My Astute Observations on Goats

Well, we are now the owners of three goats, ticking off another species on our bucket list of livestock. Frankly, I was worried. The reputation of goats preceded their arrival on our farm as I scrambled to repair and erect a barrier that would be “goat-tight.” I’m quite pleased with my efforts since it took six long days for a goat to escape my enclosure. That shows you how far I’ve progressed as a farmer. Years ago, when we first got pigs, it took one pig about 60 seconds to escape and become an infamous ham on the lam, bounding into and out of briar thickets with such haste that even rabbits were impressed. All I can say is, rule number one of pig chasing is “Never follow a pig into a briar thicket.”

Also, rule number two is “Never follow a pig into a graveyard.” A graveyard is a bigger trap than a briar thicket. Yep, after luring a farmer into a graveyard, a pig always plays a seemingly innocent game of peekaboo behind headstones (which is why modern graveyards use flush grave markers—to limit defensive cover for escaped livestock). Eventually, after many rounds of chasing a pig around a headstone, a pursuing farmer will grow impatient and attempt to hurdle a headstone, which leaves the farmer writhing on the ground clutching a body part. Depending on the severity of the injury, some farmers may request burial on the spot.

Needless to say, I won’t bore you with the details of that pig’s recapture–it certainly didn’t involve a very long chase through a graveyard. To be honest, the account of the pig’s recapture is mostly quite boring and hardly worth telling. In fact, it just nonchalantly wandered back into my fence and surrendered itself after several days of terrorizing the countryside. 

But I digress. The point of this post is to detail my experiences hitherto with Capra hircus, that is, the domesticated goat. I’ve learned that goats say “maah” instead of “baah”–who knew? Also, their poop looks a lot like chocolate candy to a toddler, which I suppose, in hindsight, is why most other parents don’t feed their toddlers Milk Duds. That’s about all I’ve learned about goats so far in one week of ownership, but, rest assured, I’ll keep you posted if I make anymore astute observations. 

13 thoughts on “My Astute Observations on Goats

    1. Yes! I’m starting to realize that, very dog like in behavior. I have one that like to jump up on me all the time and get petted. Hope yall have a great Christmas!

    1. That is a good point. I think I need to narrow down our bucket list. At this point it just includes all forms and variations of livestock. Merry Christmas!

  1. What kind of goats? We have history with goats (and pigs) and found them an enjoyable menace….. we have 2 British Saanens not resident but partly under our jurisdiction now. They need to see Billy and have kids but are surrounded by vegans at the farm…. are you milking yours?

    1. Enjoyable menace is a good way to describe them. To be honest, I don’t what kind they are, other than “free goats.” They are wethers, and she got them on the promise that we would not take them to processing plant, but instead let them live a long and luxorious life on our farm as pets for Thomas. So it seems now I’m stuck taking care of goats for eternity.

      Hope everything is going well over in Scotland! Merry Christmas!

  2. Great post, so funny! I always wondered why cemeteries changed to flat headstones. I thought it was to make mowing easier, but now I understand the real reason.

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