
While cladding our old farmhouse in new concrete-board siding, I thought,
“It’d be nice if ladders had heart-rate monitors like treadmills. That way I could simply rest my hands on a rung and know for certain whether I was having a heart attack.”
While driving the tractor down the road, I thought,
“It’d be swell if old tractors had backup cameras. That way I’d know precisely where to deposit my hay spear in the honking Lexus behind me.”
While ripping a 2 x 4 down to two 2 x 2s, I realized,
“It’d be fine and dandy if safety glasses had a defog feature. That way I could better estimate the position of the spinning saw blade to my fingers.”
While running from yellow jackets, I pondered,
“Geez, wouldn’t it be grand if steel-toe boots contained a lighter-weight metal alloy. That way at least the geriatric yellow jackets couldn’t catch me.”
While standing in the tractor’s front-in-loader to clean out the barn gutters, I thought,
“It might be better if I didn’t have life insurance. That way my wife, controlling the loader lever, wouldn’t be so tempted to dump me.
While having an asthma attack from grain dust, I thought,
“I wish breathing wasn’t such an underrated bodily function. That way I’d remember to carry my inhaler, and my wife’s 84-year-old popaw wouldn’t be concocting a way to tube me like a baby calf.
While watching a coyote swim across a flooded creek, I thought,
“I’m glad I’m not a coyote.”
You just made my whole day! 😂
The lighter weight steel toed boots comment is so true. Take it from a guy who has been chased by wild hogs. I enjoy your stuff.
Thanks, likewise, your one the other day about the scientists catching the cheetahs was dang good stuff.
So true about safety glasses. They fog up. So do my Rx glasses when I wear a face shield (or a cloth mask to avoid spreading corona virus). My eyes just have to cope with whatever gets past my Rx glasses when I am doing something that generates a cloud of dust.
Since we’ve already got Google glasses connected to the internet, you would think someone would have invented defogging glasses by now and made a fortune.