The Winter of My Discarded Stomach Contents

flushing water in white toilet bowl

Just in case any of you might have been wondering if I finally attempted a farming feat so stupid that it ended in my untimely demise, I’m happy to report I’m still alive; I just haven’t had the chance to write much lately since my intestines have unionized and gone on strike, bringing to a retching halt the normal function of my digestive system. 

First, it was Flu B, then it was a pre-Christmas stomach bug, followed by a repeat stomach bug last week. I have upchucked more in three months than I have in thirty years. I blame my son for all this projectile vomiting: we shower him with big Tonka trucks, and all he gives us are microscopic germs. He seems mostly impervious to the weekly germs de vogue that circulate at daycare, barely slowing down from hyperactive to active for a tummy ache, meanwhile his mom and dad are taking turns jettisoning the contents of their stomachs for days on end. 

I thought it was supposed to be the other way around. I thought adults were supposed to have more fortifications against microscopic invaders than children, but alas my white blood cells have apparently fallen asleep on duty; meanwhile, I can’t sleep at all because I’m too busy guarding a porcelain throne. 

Anyway, I hope everyone had a good holiday season and here is hoping for a good 2023–full of new farming feats, fewer daycare germs, and a return to normality, at least for my digestive system. 

11 thoughts on “The Winter of My Discarded Stomach Contents

  1. I always get a chuckle with your posts. I remember those kids-bringing-home-bugs-days well. Here’s to a healthy 2023. Your little guy is a cutie!

  2. I am not ashamed to admit that I have been “checking” on you regularly and am most encouraged that you have not met an untimely demise. Peter reacts to illness much the way that Thomas does. Fever of 101? No slow down. Here’s to a healthy rest of January. We’ll worry about February when it gets here!!

    1. Yes, apparently toddlers’ energy just overwhelms germs into submission. Here’s to good health for yours as well and hope yall had a good holiday season!

  3. Hate to tell you, but you’ll go through this with every kid. They are germ magnets and they bring all that funk back home with them. Remember, while you are hunched over a toilet spewing away, remember, you’re the one who told them sharing was a good thing. I am seriously glad to see you are writing again and I hope the worst is over.

    1. Thanks, Tom, I’m starting to realize that toddlers have a way of making you rue you words–apparently, anything you say or do can and will be used against you when conversing with a toddler.

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