If there’s one universal truth to life, it’s that whenever you’re trying to carry something into your locked domicile, like a squirming baby or the ten bags of groceries cutting off circulation to one hand, then your keys will be in the opposite pocket of your free hand. Then you’ll have to attempt the awkward cross-body pocket plunge where your right hand enters your left pocket or vice versa.
Despite all the advances in technology, no one has yet figured out a way to eliminate this uniquely modern problem. Fifty-years ago, did Andy or Aunt Bee have to worry about spraining a wrist while digging around in an opposite pocket? No, residents of Mayberry didn’t need to dig for keys cause no one locked their doors. Five-thousand years ago, did cave people worry about dropping a child on the ground while excavating the contents of an opposite pocket? No, their loin cloths didn’t have pockets, plus their caves didn’t have doors.
It just goes to show you the unintended consequences of our technological advances. Sure, locks may help protect personal property and prevent incursions from robbers or in-laws who live next door, but just think about all the time you waste in a lifetime fumbling for keys in your pocket. Cavemen may have had a life expectancy of 23 years, give or take, but at least they didn’t waste half their lives performing mundane modern activities: like looking for keys, cutting grass each week, staring at a computer, and standing in line at the DMV or post office or gas station while people buy scratch-offs.
Instead, your average cave person could probably just sit back and smell the bat guano after a pleasant day foraging for berries, all in the comfort of a spacious cavern, no house payments to worry about or cave doors to lock.
5 thoughts on “The Menace of Modernity”
Of course, there’s probably some techie way to enter your house without keys, but then you get into the whole giving away information to large companies to make money off you thing.
Maybe they have entry locks for homes like for new vehicles. As long as you carry this gizmo in your pocket, vehicle doors automatically lock when you step away and unlock when you get close. But, then you have to make sure the “gizmo” is in your pocket every time you walk out the door. Maybe someday all this stuff will be in a watch or your cell phone. What do I know? I drive a 1996 Buick Century and don’t have a cell phone. I do have 2 iMac’s and spend at least 6 hours a day online, though. 🙂
We got numeric keypads to solve this problem. That led to the problem of not remembering all the key codes.
I don’t lock our doors a lot of the time. Solves the key quandary, plus you never know what new friends you might unexpectedly make when you walk into the house!
Oh the good ole days…