The War of the Remote

“They’re just cute little movies,” my wife said, uttering a sentence that ushered in a new era. Soon ESPN would be dethroned, and princess programing would rule the domain inside our television screen.

Movie Review: The Princess Switch – Patriot Press

The first cute little movie was The Princess Switch. One actress plays two princesses who look alike. Both princesses find their prince charmings and live happily ever after—meaning they live happily ever after until The Princess Switch: Switched Again, the sequel in which the same actress plays all the important characters, more or less, and everybody lives happily ever after again. 

That is, until the tragic events of The Princess Switch 3. Aliens abduct the princess, clone her, and then invade earth with a force of identical princess warriors, all of whom are played by the same actress and live happily ever after (to be honest, I slept through The Princess Switch 3 and just guessed at the plot.) But whatever the plot, my wife thoroughly enjoyed the movie and was left craving more princess programming. 

“Can’t we just buy a second TV?” I asked. “That way you can watch your princess shows, and I can watch football.”

“No, we’re already over budget on Christmas this year,” she replied, “and TVs are sky high because of inflation.” 

Ugh, inflation. Because of rising costs of socks and underwear, I had to watch four seasons of The Crown, which is chock full of the story of Princess Diana. By the fourth season Agent Scully from the X-files shows up. I got excited because I thought there might actually be an alien subplot, but alas Agent Scully was just playing Margaret Thatcher. Meanwhile, Princess Diana does not live happily ever after as it turns out. Of course, I could have told my wife that much, but she insisted on watching it anyway.

Then my wife went medieval and started watching The Spanish Princess. It’s about Catherine of Aragon and based on real life events in Europe in the Middle Ages. Best I can tell, people didn’t do much back then, other than stand around a castle and scheme. Every fifteen minutes they interrupt the scheming for some regularly scheduled lovemaking. Likely that was the best way to stay warm in those drafty castles.

All this princess programming is taking its toll. Last night I found my wife asleep on the couch as the Spanish Princess streamed onward. Being a kind and loving husband, I let her slumber peacefully and gently caressed her hand.

Success! She released the remote. Then I paused Catherine of Aragon, lowered the volume, and reinstalled the masters of the gridiron to their rightful place atop the TV cabinet—even if only for a temporary reign.

13 thoughts on “The War of the Remote

  1. Beware, El Capitan of the farm. When a woman is watching princess movies, something is terribly missing from her relationship.

    Guys watch sports for the action, never knowing the outcome. Women want love and a life filled with gentle consistencies.

    I had the best of both worlds: Moved a lot, and married 5 times. The last marriage was 25 years ago. He watches sports upstairs. 🙂

  2. Princess movies??? Yikes. I’d sooner watch what you folks over the pond call football. Thanks for warning me about The Crown. I assumed from the title that it must be a heartwarming tale about an English pub. Gillian Anderson as Maggie Thatcher would be … confronting.

    1. I don’t know much about Thatcher, but if Gillian Anderson’s portrayal was half-way correct, she seems like a strange character, in some ways a norm shatterer but in other ways a luddite. I’d much rather be watching your football, but over here soccer can barely make it on TV, so I take what football I can get. Plus, our American men’s national team can’t even qualify for world cup, which is pitiful. But anything with a ball of some sort is probably better than a princess movie.

  3. HA, great read! I think the film-makers are trying to divide us up as couples on purpose. I mean seriously, how hard is it to make a film that would appeal to both in the couple simultaneously—princesses marrying footballers living happily ever after on Mars might fit the bill, throw in some telletubbies and voilà the perfect film for the whole family.

    1. At this point, Thomas would rather be climbing on furniture than sitting still watching TV, which in some ways is probably a good thing, at least once we secured all the furniture. Occasionally, he’ll sit and watch Daniel the Tiger, which is basically Mr. Rogers in Cartoon form.

  4. We watched Cinderella the other day. . .the old animated version. . .Peter liked the mice and the singing, until he went to sleep. At which time I uncovered the hidden remote and put on some Blue Bloods. . .

    1. We put Fantasia on the other day, just as some for Thomas to watch, hoping that it would put him to sleep. It was like he was in a trance watching it. He never did fall asleep, but I did.

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